My Story.....

My photo

I love to read, write, play pool & help others. I love being with my 3 blessings! I have a gorgeous daughter, Meggan~23 and 2 handsome sons. Brian~20 and Joshua~16. I wouldn't be anything without my babies. They're my greatest accomplishment! 
I pray my words, pictures, and what I post about give you encouragement and help inspire you to love deeper and believe there is a life out there for you. You need to have faith and believe in YOU. 
I married a Soldier so I was a Military Wife for 17 yrs. and now we're divorced. I am part German, Irish, English, and Ukraine. Trying to focus on my writing. I'm working on my Memoir and Suspense Romance Novels. I want my story of abuse and my addictions  to help other woman and teens. I went through a lot of trauma growing up and still found joy and I know you can too!

Saturday, May 31, 2014

                                                    Writing My Memoir is my Journey now

Writing is literally kicking my booty. Writing is going to be a challenge but I know I can do it! I started when I was 12 like I said in my profile, but I allowed fear and other things to get in the way. I have a lot of health issues from the serious car accident I was in. I have 2 slipped disks in my low back and scoliosis. My coccyx bone is broke and my pelvis was fractured. I received a close head injury called Retrograde and post-grade amnesia. I can't remember the past and it's hard to retain any new information. I have Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I have to have a laptop to sit on the bed with. A chair hurts my back and booty bone. The bed does too but it's better still. I have to keep changing positions because of my back, booty bone, and pain from Fibromyalgia. I was born with depression, lol. We have mental illness through our family. I have bipolar depression. This depression I have had, is so crippling. It made me isolate myself from everyone when I was still married. Our issues weren't helping me at all. He gave me severe anxiety with all his yelling. He caused me to yell but I always had an anger issue as well. So, can't blame all on him. I don't mind admitting my issues. I'm a very open person and in my Memoir you'll see that.

 When I left my two sons, daughter, and dog, it literally destroyed me. I just lost myself. I was happy to be away from his anger and throwing things at me was to dangerous to stay and allow them to continue seeing that. So, my depression worsened. I was a wife and Mother for 17 years and than all of a sudden my kids are ripped away from me. I didn't know who I was anymore. I started drinking heavy every night. I kept trying to write some each day.The depression was so crippling that  I just didn't want to read or write. I just stopped reading and writing.  I started to read again. That's homework for writer's. I always read articles online on writing. I'm learning more and more about the business side and getting an agent and a book contract. I'm excited but also I'm so nervous because I know I'm gonna have to go somewhere like the library and set up my books and talk. I'm so not good in front of a lot of people. What some friends don't know, is that I grew up with Personality Disorder. I have a fear of crowds and after being raped I'm not big on crowds.

 I'm glad your all gonna stay on this journey with me and support me. I didn't graduate high school. I tried to get my GED and passed everything but the math. I was actually with an abusive boyfriend at the time who was abusive and got me hooked on cocaine bad so I just never went back to finish. I believe it's no big deal because it wasn't what I was called to do. I started a writing course so I'm almost done that and so excited! I'm not quitting that. After I left him I met a Soldier and married him. I was called at 19 to get married and had my baby girl. Than, I had my other two sons and we believed I should stay at home with them. I didn't want anyone else raising them. I enjoyed all my babies. It was hard at times with my health issues. I became disabled and couldn't work anyway. But I loved being with them and those were my happiest days.

 I feel like now is my time to write this memoir and than some Suspense Romance Novels. I went through a lot as a teenager. I have been through hell with abuse, sexual abuse, and cheating. My depression has got better and my self confidence! LOL...I know my Memoir will touch someone. It will help them. So, this my first book and I can't wait to get it done! So excited. W
e'll always have some critics but I'm not worried about them. This is my passion and I will fulfill my dream. 

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

 The world is to much with you, My child. Your mind leaps from problem to problem,  tangling your thoughts in anxious knots. When you think like that, you leave Me out of your world view and your mind becomes darkened. Though I yearn to help, I will not violate your freedom. I stand silently in the background of your mind, waiting for you to remember that I am with you. When you turn from your problems to My Presence, your load is immediately lighter. Circumstances may not have changed but we carry your burdens together. Your compulsion to "fix" everything gives way to deep, satisfying connection with me. Together we can handle whatever this day brings.

                                                    Isaiah 41:10, Zephaniah 3:17; Psalm 34:19