My Story.....

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I love to read, write, play pool & help others. I love being with my 3 blessings! I have a gorgeous daughter, Meggan~23 and 2 handsome sons. Brian~20 and Joshua~16. I wouldn't be anything without my babies. They're my greatest accomplishment! 
I pray my words, pictures, and what I post about give you encouragement and help inspire you to love deeper and believe there is a life out there for you. You need to have faith and believe in YOU. 
I married a Soldier so I was a Military Wife for 17 yrs. and now we're divorced. I am part German, Irish, English, and Ukraine. Trying to focus on my writing. I'm working on my Memoir and Suspense Romance Novels. I want my story of abuse and my addictions  to help other woman and teens. I went through a lot of trauma growing up and still found joy and I know you can too!

Saturday, April 12, 2014

  It hurts so bad that I don't get to see my kids. Dwayne, my ex-husband, kicked my daughter out a month after he kicked me out. He's not her biological father, so I know that hurt her. He than gave my sisters son back to his Nana. We were watching him for a year while my sister was having issues. My daughter said while she was there, after I left, he talked so much trash on me. He brainwashed them into believing I'm a bad mom. Who does that to their children? I made sure when my sons came to visit me that I never talked bad about their father in front of them. He's still their father and I wouldn't do that. It hurts but I know my kids will be able to figure this whole thing out as they get older and they'll resent him for doing this. 

 He was cheating on me because not even three months later he was with one of his Sgts. from the National Guard. He was rushing me to sign seperation papers and like my dad said, because he was in a hurry to get married. He did several months later. He moves fast like he did when he first met me. He threw a ring at me proposing to me after only two weeks of knowing each other. He accepted my daughter. He's a rescuer. He likes to rescue woman. So, this is what he did again. She has a three year old also that he wanted to rescue. It's strange that he wanted to renew our vowels and than the next month was telling me to leave. He chose to tell my sons lies about me and it's just hurtful because they stopped calling and coming to see me. You think he would tell them that they need their mother and should see me. I don't mean force them but he should encourage them because they will always need their mother. 

 He can say the worst things about me all he wants because their going to figure the truth out and see him for what he really is. It's destroyed me to leave them and my dog. I am slowly healing but after 2 years it just still kills me. It feels like they've been kidnapped. Here I was a mom and wife for seventeen years and now my kids have ripped away from me. I tried being nice to him for the kids sake but he was just interested in poisoning their minds against me and just erasing me out of their life. He just wants to look like he didn't destroy the family and did nothing wrong. I'm not perfect and I wasn't a perfect mom or wife but I did try. I even read self help books trying to keep our family together. He wanted a new family. He got violent with me the whole year before I left. He threw things at me and if I didn't duck, he would have hit me in my face. I knew it was time to go because the kids couldn't keep seeing this violence and hearing us argue. So, I lost myself and became so depressed. I started drinking again for a year almost every night. I'm done with that now though. I'm sober. I know my sons will see and understand more later. My daughter is moving to California so that's killing me also. I want her to enjoy her life but I just wish she wasn't moving so far away. She's my miracle baby and I love her so much. So, that's pretty much happened. I'm working on myself now and I know I'll get through this very hard time in my life. I feel like a nothing without my kids but I know I'll see them soon enough.