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I love to read, write, play pool & help others. I love being with my 3 blessings! I have a gorgeous daughter, Meggan~23 and 2 handsome sons. Brian~20 and Joshua~16. I wouldn't be anything without my babies. They're my greatest accomplishment! 
I pray my words, pictures, and what I post about give you encouragement and help inspire you to love deeper and believe there is a life out there for you. You need to have faith and believe in YOU. 
I married a Soldier so I was a Military Wife for 17 yrs. and now we're divorced. I am part German, Irish, English, and Ukraine. Trying to focus on my writing. I'm working on my Memoir and Suspense Romance Novels. I want my story of abuse and my addictions  to help other woman and teens. I went through a lot of trauma growing up and still found joy and I know you can too!

Monday, September 22, 2014

        "Drugs have a power that you just can't believe"

 I just went to my cousins funeral today. He was in jail for stealing for his drugs. I just want to say that this is so sad how drugs have that deep a hold of us. Sometimes we just can't overcome that powerful voice inside of us that makes us go after that drug like others would go after their new job or position in their job. There is a powerful demon we have that others don't. It lies deep inside us waiting for that one trigger to set us off. We could be perfectly clean for years and all of a sudden it just hits us with this powerful force that we can't control. It doesn't care if we have kids, a good job, a spouse, or family. It doesn't let us think of that. It makes us selfish and we just go after it hard. 

 We have a brain that doesn't produce a lot of serotonin as well, and when your that depressed it's hard not to use that drug.  I've explained this in another blog. When your depressed all the time, this drug makes you happy because it triggers the serotonin and produces a lot of it. It hits the reward system. So, when we're without this drug, our body doesn't feel normal. We're depressed and we get anxious, bored, angry, or and our brain remembers that drug makes us happy. So, we go crazy trying to stay away but the drug just is just so powerful and will win. We know the consequences but it's not that we don't care, we care deeply about how it's effecting our lives and who it's effecting but we can't stop the urge. It takes over and so when we use, we get a blast of that serotonin that most people's brain produces enough of it, unlike ours, and we're stuck again. 

 When we stop using and we stat to withdraw, that is another major reason we can't stop. Withdraw is evil. It's a hell you don't want to experience. It's like the flu only five times that. It makes us go back to it. Your skin feels like it's on fire, you get constant chills and you get hot, your nose runs like crazy and you sneeze, your nauseated and vomit, you shake, you get diarrhea, your body feels like it's thawing out and it is.  Drugs numb you and your pain so when you stop, you feel everything plus some. Your back kills you. Withdraw is evil period. Nobody would wish that on their worst enemy. It's a constant pain and leg cramps that make you want to punch your skin. Drugs are no joke. Their evil itself. I've been through it several times. One time really bad for 2 weeks straight. 

 Addicts may be weak at not being able to say no to their drug, but we are very strong willed and go through a lot of pain and suffering. We go through a lot of heartache that most people would kill their self for. As an addict myself, I have judged other addicts by saying well, I would never do that in front of my kids or sell their food because I never did that. I didn't allow harm to come to them but it still took me from spending more time with them because the pills I was taking would make me sleepy. I'd have to take a nap. On top of that, having Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome also made me sleepy. I only took maybe 2-3 pills at a time when most addicts take 50 at once. I'm not saying I'm better than those that did though. I don't judge anymore because I've been where you do what you can to get you drugs. I know the desire and things it can make you do. It's sad that addicts get judged and it's just like someone who has cancer or heart disease. It's a chronic illness and so is addiction. They did MRI's on addicts and it shows our brains are different from those who aren't addicts. I'm not trying to glorify being an addict at all. I'm just expressing my opinion and facts on what I learned about addiction. Plus being an addict myself for over seventeen years. There are only two results of the addicts life, jail or you die if we don't stop. There is help but we need support from our family and friends not judgmental support. 

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