Monday, June 16, 2014

Addiction Is a Mental Illness. Treat It That Way.

Many addicts have mental health problems, and all have complex reasons for using substances. In order to effectively address both the addiction and what drives it, providers require training and skills in psychotherapy.

Psychotherapy for addiction photo via
The recent suicide of country singer Mindy McCready brings the death toll of patients who were treated onCelebrity Rehab to five. On Monday, Fix columnist Maia Szalavitz questioned the effectiveness and ethics of Dr. Drew’s specific approach. But McCready’s death also calls for us to reflect more generally on the nature of addiction and its treatment. In addition, the loss of these five entertainers and public figures speaks to how devastating both addiction and mental illness remain as well as how our society conceives of addiction.
The DSM-IV-TR and the upcoming revision, DSM-V, due out in May, define addictions to alcohol and drugs as psychiatric disorders. Nora Volkow, MD, the director of the National Institute on Drug Abuse,agrees, saying, “We need to first recognize that drug addiction is a mental illness." This focus on mental health also conforms to research increasingly revealing the many ways that addiction is a brain disease.
By contrast, Alcoholics Anonymous has been centered on a model of alcoholism established before the development of this kind of disease paradigm, and it has not espoused clinically complex models of psychological motivation. As AA cofounder Dr. Bob told attendees at a 1950 AA convention: “There are two or three things that flashed into my mind on which it would be fitting to lay a little emphasis; one is the simplicity of our program. Let’s not louse it up with Freudian complexes and things that are interesting to the scientific mind, but have very little to do with our actual AA work.”
Our own approach to addiction, which we call Integrative Addiction Psychotherapy, is based on the following assumptions: 
• Addictions are psychiatric/mental health disorders. 
• Many, if not most, addicts also have additional psychiatric issues such as PTSD, depression, anxiety disorders, psychosis, ADHD, and various personality disorders.
• With or without a diagnosable condition, people use substances for reasons that need to be respected and addressed.
• The treatment of addictions require professionals trained in mental health, skilled in psychotherapy, knowledgeable about the full range of psychological treatments, and fluent in the use of both addiction and psychiatric medications. Passion and dedication are important, but they do not make up for deep skill and knowledge.
What does an Integrative Addiction Psychotherapy based on these assumptions look like? Building on themes that were addressed in a previous Fix article and a related article on addiction treatment reform, we believe there are seven essential components:
1. Individual Psychotherapy: Each patient is unique and treatment must be individualized to address their specific needs, history, biology, pain, dreams and desires. While group experiences may be very powerful, even life changing, the integrity and depth of the individual psychotherapy session remains a uniquely curative experience—and the cornerstone of this approach.
2. Therapeutic Alliance: The connection between the patient and the therapist is of vital importance as it is at the heart of treatment. Good therapists will demonstrate love for their patients and will work with authenticity, optimism, courage and determination. Research in both addiction treatment and psychotherapy show the positive benefits of patients having a good relationship with their therapists.
3. Drug Use Is Meaningful: As noted earlier, people use substances for complex and deep-seated reasons that may need to be addressed before the individual will be willing to make changes in their use. Drugs may serve as a pathway to pleasure, as a way to reduce inner pain and suffering, as a method for coping with medical problems, as a vehicle for making and affirming social connection, and as a response to social oppression and poverty.
4. Multiplicity of Self: People who use drugs often have conflicting motivational forces at work—some of which support the continued use, others that fight for change. The motivations for change might include concerns about the family, anxiety related to economic or prestige threats, existential or spiritual concerns, health issues and legal problems. This inner conflict can be usefully re-conceptualized as a community of voices, modes, selves or parts. In this way, each of these energies can be respected and given a chance to speak, and dialogues can be created among the different parts to address their needs and desires. 
People have complex motivations for their substance use. These may need to be addressed before the individual is willing to make changes in their use. 
5. Strengthening the Inner Leader: Identifying, connecting with and empowering the Inner Leader—sometimes called the healthy adult mode or the strong and healthy ego—can work to rebalance the inner forces. The individual can then make positive connections with others and take assertive, effective and meaningful action in the world. The Inner Leader of addicted patients is often underdeveloped or severely damaged, so strengthening it will remain an ongoing concern. To be clear, the healthy mode will be distinguished by its use of existential language such as “I want,” “I am deciding to,” “I am choosing to,” “I will,” “I say yes,” and “I say no”—rather than the use of phrases like “I have to,” “I need to,” and “I should.”
6. Working on Two Dimensions: Complex models of treatment, like Integrated Harm Reduction Psychotherapy, require therapists to work on two dimensions: both the use itself and the underlying pain and desires that drive it. Sometimes one will take precedence; sometimes both need to be addressed concurrently. Given this, it can be helpful to conceive of the work as involving bothHorizontal and Vertical interventions.

Horizontal Interventions are techniques and strategies specifically focused on such issues as safer use, reduced use, moderation, nonaddictive use and abstinence, including Harm Reduction/Substance Use Management, Relapse Prevention and Contingency Management. The goal is to empower the patient to be able to control their use in a way that makes sense for them. For many, if not most, this will ultimately be abstinence.

Vertical Interventions are those involved in treating the patient’s pain and underlying psychopathology. Addicts may suffer from problems connected to the past (trauma, grief and moral failure), the present (depression, anxiety disorders, lack of assertiveness and personality disorders) or the future (life decisions, identity creation, the project of recovery and the need to embark on the Hero’s Journey). The therapist will want to be able to skillfully draw upon the full range of psychotherapeutic techniques to help the patient make connections, restructure cognitions, face feared experiences, work through traumas, mitigate the impact of the inner critic, claim power, clarify values, take heroic action, and learn to meditate and self-soothe.
7. Identity Transformation: While a great deal of addiction treatment is, understandably, focused on the present and the near future, long-term recovery depends on the ability of the individual to create and maintain identities that are viable, meaningful and reinforcing. The Addict Identity, which is central during active addiction, must be replaced with identities based on some connection to family, work, recovery, spirituality or other activities that provide a self-definition that is incompatible with problematic drug use. (For example, being a father takes precedence over using cocaine.) Most stories of successful recovery and life transformation involve some sort of identity reorganization or creation.
Mindy McCready was ultimately overwhelmed and destroyed by the pain inside of her. While psychiatrists and psychologists made occasional appearances on Celebrity Rehab, none of the major protagonists were mental health providers or had extensive formal training in psychotherapy. We believe that Dr. Drew Pinsky cares deeply about his patients and is dedicated to helping them achieve healing and recovery; nonetheless, his training is in addiction medicine and, while naturally skilled, he is not a trained psychotherapist.
It is our hope that the leaders and practitioners in our field will embrace the future by working to fully integrate mental health and addiction treatment—both in the therapy we do and in the paradigms we create—so that we can understand and work with the complex interplay that exists between inner suffering and addictive behavior. Addiction is a mental illness.
Scott Kellogg, PhD, is the former president of the Division on Addictions of the New York State Psychological Association, a Schema Therapist, and a clinical assistant professor in the New York University Department of Psychology. His websites are Transformational Chairwork andGradualism and Integrative Addiction Psychotherapy. His email is scott.kellogg@nyu.edu.
Andrew Tatarsky, PhD, is the author of Harm Reduction Psychotherapy: A New Treatment for Drug and Alcohol Problems. He is the founder of the Center for Optimal Living, an addiction treatment center in New York City, and the chair of Moderation Management. His email is atatarsky@aol.com

Saturday, June 14, 2014

Worthless or Worthy: How Do You See Yourself?

by Joyce Meyer
Do you like yourself? After years of trying to help people emotionally, mentally, spiritually and socially, it was a major breakthrough when I discovered that most people really don't like themselves. Some of them know it, while others don't even have a clue that this is probably the root of so many other problems in their lives. 
God wants us to have great relationships, but self-rejection and even self-hatred are the roots of many relationship problems. In fact, I've found the Bible to be a book about relationships, providing valuable advice about my relationship with God, other people and even myself. 
How are the relationships with other people in your life? What about your relationship with God…and even with yourself? 
Did it ever occur to you that you have a relationship with yourself? While I've never given it much thought, I spend more time with myself than with anyone, and it's vital to get along well with me. Remember, you are the one person you never get away from. 
We all know how agonizing it is to work day after day with someone we don't get along with, but at least that person doesn't come home with us at night. We can't get away from ourselves, not even for one second, so it's of the utmost importance that we have peace with ourselves. 
Many of us fall prey to self-rejection because we feel that nobody really loves us or accepts us. We figure that if nobody else loves us, then why should we love ourselves? Because we think others don't love us, we feel that we must not be worth loving. But that's a LIE we've believed for way too long! 
We should love ourselves—not in a selfish, self-centered way that produces a lifestyle of self-indulgence, but in a balanced, godly way that affirms God's creation as essentially good and right. We may be flawed by unfortunate experiences we've gone through, but that doesn't mean we're worthless and good-for-nothing. 
We must have the kind of love for ourselves that says, "I know God loves me, so I can love what God chooses to love. I don't love everything I do, but I accept myself because God accepts me." We must develop the kind of mature love that says, "I know I need to change, and I want to change. In fact, I believe God is changing me daily, but during this process, I will not reject what God accepts. I'll accept myself as I am right now, knowing that I will not always remain this way." 
Many times people who reject themselves do so because they can't see themselves as good, proper, or right. They fail to see themselves the way God sees them—as precious children He dearly loves. 
As you begin to see yourself through God's eyes—someone who's loved and cherished—your view of yourself will begin to change. You'll begin to see yourself not as rejected, but as loved and accepted…unique and beautiful in His sight. 

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Your Feelings are Important

From a very early age most of us have been told over and over again that what we feel isn't important.  As a result, we've learned to suppress, deny and mask our feelings.  We get so good at this that we actually lose t
ouch with our heart and live in the world of our head and thoughts.  When asked how we feel, we respond from our head, not our heart.
This website is dedicated to the idea that the feelings of your heart are important.  First of all, feelings are important because they are connected to your needs.  When you deny your feelings, you are denying your needs as a human being.  And, when we belittle the feelings of others we are telling them that their needs aren’t important.
Secondly, our feelings, more than our thoughts, drive our choices in life.  Our primary goal is to feel good.  We get into relationships because we want to feel good, which is why our heart, not our head, controls with whom we chose to associate.  We buy things because we perceive that they will give us good feelings, too.  Every successful marketer knows that marketing is primarily about feelings.  We even pursue goals because we perceive that achieving them will make us feel good.  If we are out of touch with our feelings, we are easily manipulated emotionally and wound up making foolish choices because we don’t understand what is motivating us in our heart.
Thirdly, as the author Karol Truman stated in the title of her book, Feelings Buried Alive Never Die.  What we allow ourselves to feel and deal with we can get over and heal from, but what we deny haunts us forever.  Most of us spend a great deal of time running away from our feelings.
Finally, it is the heart, not the head that helps us to lead a moral and a spiritual life.  When we have a hardened heart, we lack compassion and empathy for others. When our heart is closed and we are living in our heads, we are more likely to cause harm to others because our head can rationalize just about anything. An open heart teaches us to love, forgive, be kind and compassionate.  An open heart also allows us to access the spiritual plane and hear the still, small voice of God that can guide and comfort us.
This website is dedicated to helping people understand their feelings and learn how to heal their emotional wounds.  Discover why the heart, not the head, is the ultimate key to your health, happiness and success.

"How do I interact with guys just as a friend?"

Erin Davis 02/18/11
Category: Guys ; 93 comments
group of teen guys and girls
At the beginning of this month, I asked you to tell me your most burning questions when it comes to guys and romance. One question that popped up often was, "How do I interact with guys just as a friend/Christian sister?" We also saw a lot of a similar question: "Is it okay to become friends with a guy to see if they'd make a good husband?"
I am so glad you're asking these questions! I want you to understand the difference between standing firm in your commitment to purity (a very, very good thing) and being standoffish toward the guys in your life (not such a good thing). Sometimes girls' ministry leaders (myself included) make the mistake of encouraging firm boundaries so often that we forget to encourage Christ-like interactions with the guys in your life.
Yes, you can have friends who are guys and yes, friendship is a great way to discover if a guy would make a great husband. Nowhere in Scripture does God call men and women to be so completely separated that that there is no room for interaction. Also, when we encourage you to wait on God's timing for romance, we aren't saying that you should lock yourself away from all guys until the perfect man drops into your house with a ring.
Marriage isn't the only relationship where it is appropriate for guys and girls to interact. Think about your dad. How do you spend time with him? You talk. You hang out. You eat together. You do things you both enjoy. I am sure there are other guys in your life that you have healthy interactions with as well. Just because you are a girl spending time with a guy doesn't mean romantic music will start playing in the background and butterflies will start swarming in your stomach.
In fact, Scripture tells us that we are to interact with each other in a loving and warm way regardless of gender. Here's just a taste of what the Bible says about how we are to treat each other.
  • "Love one another" (John 13:34), and 12 other references.

  • "Be devoted to one another in love" (Rom. 12:10).

  • "Honor one another above yourselves" (Rom. 12:10).

  • "Live in harmony with one another" (Rom. 12:16).

  • "Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you" (Rom. 15:7).

  • "Have equal concern for each other" (1 Cor. 12:25).

  • "Serve one another humbly in love" (Gal. 5:13).

  • "Carry each other's burdens" (Gal. 6:2).

  • "Be patient, bearing with one another in love" (Eph. 4:2).

  • "Be kind and compassionate to one another" (Eph. 4:32).

  • "Forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you" (Eph. 4:32).

  • "Speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit" (Eph. 5:19).

  • "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ" (Eph. 5:21).

  • "In humility value others above yourselves" (Phil. 2:3).

  • "Bear with each other" (Col. 3:13).


  • "Make your love increase and overflow for each other" (1 Thess. 3:12).

  • "Encourage one another" (1 Thess. 4:18, 5:11).

  • "Build each other up" (1 Thess. 5:11).

  • "Encourage one another daily" (Heb. 3:13)
  • "Spur one another on to love and good deeds" (Heb. 10:24).
  • "Encouraging one another (Heb. 10:25).

  • "Love one another deeply, from the heart" (1 Pet. 1:22)
  • "Be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another" (1 Pet. 3:8).

  • "Love each other deeply" (1 Pet. 4:8).

  • "Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling" (1 Pet. 4:9).

  • "Each one should use whatever gift you have received to serve others" (1 Pet. 4:10).

  • "Clothe yourselves with humility toward one another" (1 Pet. 5:5).
The Bible clearly teaches us to be warm, kind, and loving toward our Christian brothers, not cold or standoffish. You can be friends with the guys. In fact, youshould be friends with guys. God has called you to be kind, encouraging, patient, and concerned with all of the people around you regardless of their gender. Putting these skills into practice in your relationships now can only help prepare you for marriage in the future.
Bottom line girls: treating others well is always okay. Guys aren't the enemy. They were created in the image of God just like you were. What's more, Christian guys are adopted into the same family you are. They are your spiritual brothers and treating them well isn't just okay, it's commanded.
For more on healthy boundaries in guy/girl friendships, check out a post from our archives here.
Keep the great questions coming. I look forward to answering them armed with the truth of God's Word.


Comments

HEY, GIRLS! We love hearing from you, but feel limited in the ways we can help. For one thing, we’re not trained counselors. If you’re seeking counsel, we encourage you to talk to 

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

God~given Priorities

 Love God~A Wife after God's own heart is first and foremost a woman whose heart belongs to God. God is not only her first priority, He is her ultimate priority and her consuming passion. As a Christian she makes and takes the time to nurture her relationship with God. She has no greater love than her love for God and His Son, Jesus Christ. She delights in keeping God's first and great commandment~ "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind."  (Matt. 22:37-38) This passionate tended love relationship with the Lord creates a rich, deep reservoir she can draw from in order to whole~heartedly tend to her other God~given roles and relationships.

 Love Her Husband~ As a Wife, a married woman practices God's priorities by loving her husband. (Titus 2:4)

After God, she gives her all to her mate-for-life. She makes and takes the time to achieve a best-friend relationship with him. After her time with God, she pours out her best portions of time, energy, love, and devotion to build and better her marriage. She focuses her efforts on her marriage & on him, on improving his life, on serving him, & striving to live together in harmony. She seeks, with God's help, to live out her God-given roles as a wife~to help, follow, respect, and love her husband.

Love her childrenAs a mother and someone who desires to do God's will, God's Woman will next make & take time required to cultivate relationships with her children, no matter what their ages.(Titus 2:4)

Here is a lifelong commitment to be involved, hands-on, fiercely loving & caring mother. She is going to raise her children to know& love God, to love others & be there for others, and ALWAYS give to others. That's her role.... and another one of her passions. Why? She's a mother after God's own heart!

Love her home~To a wife after God's own heart, home is next. (Titus 2:5)

She directs her energies toward building, watching over, and establishing a place where the successful nurturing of her marriage and family can take place. She loves her home and family, takes joy in being there, improves it with her efforts, and is  "the Queen of fuss" when it comes to her home- sweet-home! She lovingly fusses over the people and the place. Your home~ the people and the place~is always to be the priority over any profession!

Love and serve God's people~A woman who aspires to wear the label "A woman after God's own Heart" and to possess such a heart has a vital relationship with Jesus Christ. And that relationship thrusts her into the family of God, the body of Christ~the church. As a Christian she is spiritually gifted by God "for the profit of all" (1 Corinthians 12:7)

to benefit the church universal and, the church she attends. This service to God and His people is a duty and resposibility every Christian is given, and it is also a privilege that cannot be bought. This service is not optional. But oh, the blessings that belong to the woman who follows God's plan for serving others!  It is assigned by God and therefore comes before and ranks higher in priority than a job, career, or profession.


12 Interesting Facts About Human Hair - PositiveMed

Saturday, May 31, 2014

                                                    Writing My Memoir is my Journey now


Writing is literally kicking my booty. Writing is going to be a challenge but I know I can do it! I started when I was 12 like I said in my profile, but I allowed fear and other things to get in the way. I have a lot of health issues from the serious car accident I was in. I have 2 slipped disks in my low back and scoliosis. My coccyx bone is broke and my pelvis was fractured. I received a close head injury called Retrograde and post-grade amnesia. I can't remember the past and it's hard to retain any new information. I have Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I have to have a laptop to sit on the bed with. A chair hurts my back and booty bone. The bed does too but it's better still. I have to keep changing positions because of my back, booty bone, and pain from Fibromyalgia. I was born with depression, lol. We have mental illness through our family. I have bipolar depression. This depression I have had, is so crippling. It made me isolate myself from everyone when I was still married. Our issues weren't helping me at all. He gave me severe anxiety with all his yelling. He caused me to yell but I always had an anger issue as well. So, can't blame all on him. I don't mind admitting my issues. I'm a very open person and in my Memoir you'll see that.

 When I left my two sons, daughter, and dog, it literally destroyed me. I just lost myself. I was happy to be away from his anger and throwing things at me was to dangerous to stay and allow them to continue seeing that. So, my depression worsened. I was a wife and Mother for 17 years and than all of a sudden my kids are ripped away from me. I didn't know who I was anymore. I started drinking heavy every night. I kept trying to write some each day.The depression was so crippling that  I just didn't want to read or write. I just stopped reading and writing.  I started to read again. That's homework for writer's. I always read articles online on writing. I'm learning more and more about the business side and getting an agent and a book contract. I'm excited but also I'm so nervous because I know I'm gonna have to go somewhere like the library and set up my books and talk. I'm so not good in front of a lot of people. What some friends don't know, is that I grew up with Personality Disorder. I have a fear of crowds and after being raped I'm not big on crowds.

 I'm glad your all gonna stay on this journey with me and support me. I didn't graduate high school. I tried to get my GED and passed everything but the math. I was actually with an abusive boyfriend at the time who was abusive and got me hooked on cocaine bad so I just never went back to finish. I believe it's no big deal because it wasn't what I was called to do. I started a writing course so I'm almost done that and so excited! I'm not quitting that. After I left him I met a Soldier and married him. I was called at 19 to get married and had my baby girl. Than, I had my other two sons and we believed I should stay at home with them. I didn't want anyone else raising them. I enjoyed all my babies. It was hard at times with my health issues. I became disabled and couldn't work anyway. But I loved being with them and those were my happiest days.

 I feel like now is my time to write this memoir and than some Suspense Romance Novels. I went through a lot as a teenager. I have been through hell with abuse, sexual abuse, and cheating. My depression has got better and my self confidence! LOL...I know my Memoir will touch someone. It will help them. So, this my first book and I can't wait to get it done! So excited. W
e'll always have some critics but I'm not worried about them. This is my passion and I will fulfill my dream. 

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

 The world is to much with you, My child. Your mind leaps from problem to problem,  tangling your thoughts in anxious knots. When you think like that, you leave Me out of your world view and your mind becomes darkened. Though I yearn to help, I will not violate your freedom. I stand silently in the background of your mind, waiting for you to remember that I am with you. When you turn from your problems to My Presence, your load is immediately lighter. Circumstances may not have changed but we carry your burdens together. Your compulsion to "fix" everything gives way to deep, satisfying connection with me. Together we can handle whatever this day brings.

                                                    Isaiah 41:10, Zephaniah 3:17; Psalm 34:19

Saturday, May 24, 2014

Finding Me

 Approach each new day with desire to find Me. Before you get out of bed, I have already been working to prepare the path that will get you through this day. There are hidden treasures strategically placed along the way. Some of the treasures are trials, designed to shake you free from earth- shackles. Others are blessings that reveal My presence: sun-shine, birds, flowers, friendships,answered prayer. I am still richly present in it, Search for deep treasure as you go through this day. You will find me along the way.

                                             (Colossians 2:2-3; Isaiah 33:6)
                                                       "Never give up hope" 


 Thoughts are very powerful. We can make things worse if we keep believing the worst. When things get bad, it may feel as though nothing will get better. Especially if things happen in three's. It usually does for me. One thing can't just go wrong. It ends up being three things in a row sometimes more. We need a vision in our life and we need to focus on that vision.

 Believing in your vision is a way to attract what you want in life. Having a clear vision of what you desire in life, evokes a sense of excitement. It's natural to have fear of the unknown. We can't see in the future but we can control our mind set. Don't hold yourself back because your afraid or you've been hurt. Acknowledge your fear, accept it, and walk through it with confidence.  Letting go is like a mental, emotional, and spiritual delete button. It doesn't change what happened, but it removes the event's power to continue hurting you. Until you make peace with your painful memories, the pain will bleed into your future.

 When a crisis happens, it can be so terrible that you believe it will never get better or end. Life's issues can be very hard to deal with especially if you don't have friends to help you through it. It can seem so very dark and lonely. I can't count how many times I thought my life was over. I even wanted to end my life. I've had several things happen at once and just couldn't see that light at the end of the tunnel. I was confused why God would allow all this to happen and it just seems like blow after blow. I had no money and I lost my kids. I had to leave my husband because our arguments were getting worse. He would throw things at me and if I didn't duck, he would have hit me in the face several times. But after being a Wife and Mother for seventeen years and than you wake up the next day to no longer being that, that was very scary and hurtful. I was very lost. I had a reason to wake up every day having my kids. Now, it kills me to not be with them.

 I know things will get better but you sometimes don't see how they can. My life is no stranger to problems.
You can't just look at your issues. They can be solved somehow and if you don't see it now, you will soon. Things will start going in the direction you want them to. Just have faith and keep the hope. Dark days will come, you just have to keep faith to get through it. Talking constantly about what you don't have or what has happened can become a habit. Think positive and have faith. Speak about the good in your life. Be grateful for another day. Do things that make you feel alive and focus on those things.


Friday, May 9, 2014

10 Marriage Tips Every Wife Needs to Hear | Christian Marriage Articles | Growthtrac


 I’m now in my third marriage.  When people learn this fact about me, their reaction is usually pretty awkward.  It’s almost as if they’re waiting for me to be embarrassed by my admission. While going through two divorces was some of the most painful times of my life, I’d only feel ashamed if I’d gone through it without being able to say I’ve learned a thing or two.  My husband and I had both been through divorce before we married each other, and with that brings a unique perspective into many do’s and don’ts of how to treat your spouse.
Don’t get me wrong — our marriage isn’t perfect, but our failures in past relationships have shaped decisions we make about the way we treat each other, and to be honest, I’m glad I went through it.  We’ve learned better, so now we do better.
And with that, I’d like to offer up my wise marriage tips — from a woman who has triumphed the murky waters of divorce.
1. Respect your husband.   Notice how it doesn’t say “Respect your husband if he has earned it”. A man’s greatest need in this world is to be respected, and the person he desires that respect from the most is his wife.  The trap that we’ve all been ensnared by is that they only deserve our respect when they earn it. Yes, we want our husbands to make decisions that will ultimately garner our respect, but the truth is that your husband is a human being. A human being who makes mistakes. This is the man that you have chosen to walk alongside you for the rest of your life, and to lead your family and he needs to be respected for that quality alone. Take it from me — when respect is given even when he doesn’t deserve it, it will motivate him to earn it. That doesn’t mean you pretend that his choices are good ones when they aren’t. Things like that still need to be communicated, but you can flesh out your differences with respect. It makes all the difference in the world to him.
2. Guard your heart.  The grass is not greener on the other side. Do not believe the lie that with a slimmer figure, a higher salary, a faster car, or a bigger house, you will be a happier woman. The world is full of things and people that will serve as reminders that you don’t have the best of the best, but it’s simply not true. Live the life you’ve been blessed with, and be thankful. I get that we all have struggles, and there are even times when I would love 1,000 more square feet of house to live in, but square feet is not fulfilling — relationships are. Guard your heart from things and people that will try to convince you that your life or your husband is not good enough.  There will always be bigger, faster, stronger, or shinier, but you’ll never be satisfied with more until you’re fulfilled with what you have now.
3. God, husband, kids…in that order I know this isn’t a popular philosophy, especially among mothers, but hear me out. It’s no secret that my faith is of utmost importance, so God comes first in my life no matter what. But regardless of your belief system, your husband should come before your kids. Now unless you’re married to someone who is abusive  (in which case, I urge you to seek help beyond what my blog can give you), no man in his right mind would ask you to put your kids aside to serve his every need while neglecting them. That’s not what this means.
When you board an airplane, the flight attendants are required to go over emergency preparedness prior to takeoff. When explaining the part about how to operate the oxygen mask, passengers are instructed to first put the mask on themselves before putting it on their small child. Is that because they think you are more important than your kids? Absolutely not. But you cannot effectively help your child if you can’t breathe yourself. The same holds true with marriage and parenting. You cannot effectively parent your children if your marriage is falling apart. Take it from me — I tried. There will also come a time when your kids will leave the house to pursue their dreams as adults. If you have not cultivated a lasting relationship with your spouse, you will have both empty nests and empty hearts.
4.  Forgive No one is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. If you make forgiveness a habit — for everything from major mistakes to little annoyances (every day, I have to forgive my husband for leaving the wet towel on the bathroom counter) — you will keep resentment from growing.
5. Over-communicate.  I used to have a bad habit of not speaking my feelings. I played the standard “You should know why I’m mad” game, and that’s just downright unfair. Men are not wired like women, and they don’t always know that they’ve been insensitive. I’m still growing in this area, and there are often times when my husband has to pry something out of me, but I’m trying to remember that I need to just communicate how I feel.
6. Schedule a regular date night. This one isn’t new, but it’s very important. Never stop dating your spouse. Even if you can’t afford dinner and a movie (which we seldom can), spending some regular one-on-one time with your spouse is essential. Don’t talk about bills, or schedules, or the kids. Frankie and I often daydream about our future, or plan our dream vacation. We connect emotionally and often learn something new about each other – even after four years.
7. Never say the “D Word”. If you’re gonna say it, you better mean it. Plain and simple, threatening divorce is not fighting fair. I did this a lot in my previous marriages. I’m not proud of it, but I learned better. I was hurting deeply, and I wanted to hurt back, but it never helped me feel better.
8. Learn his love language. Everyone has a love language. The way you perceive love is often different from the way your spouse perceives love. Does he like words of affirmation, or does he respond better when you give him gifts? Whatever his love language is – learn it and use it.
9. Never talk negatively about him. I learned this lesson the hard way too. If you’re going through a difficult time in your marriage and you need advice, see a counselor. Family counseling is a great tool, but try to remember that your family members and friends are not the most objective people to give advice. The argument they are hearing is one-sided and they often build up negative feelings toward your spouse, which usually doesn’t subside once you and your husband have gotten past it. Protect his image with those that you’re close with and seek help from those that can actually be objective. News flash, ladies – your mother cannot be objective!
10. Choose to love. There are times in a marriage that you may wake up and not feel in love anymore. Choose to love anyway. There are times when you may not be attracted to your husband anymore. Choose to love anyway. Marriage is a commitment. In sickness and health, in good times and in bad. Those vows are sacred. They don’t say “if you have bad times”. They say “in good times and in bad”, implying that there will be bad times. It’s inevitable. So choose to love anyway. He’s worth it.


Read more at Growthtrac 10 Marriage Tips Every Wife Needs to Hear | Christian Marriage Articles | Growthtrac http://www.growthtrac.com/10-marriage-tips-every-wife-needs-to-hear/#ixzz33hCDhh00

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Tuesday, April 22, 2014


                                                  Self-confidence



  Self-confidence starts with you. If you weren't parented to love yourself, or other relationships have torn you away from yourself then self-confidence must be your own commitment and internal investment. We all want to feel good. We all want to succeed and we all want joy. To have this you have to remember that YOU are a precious person. You are amazing. You are significant. You are smart. You are capable of anything and everything. If you haven't been told this, then you must start on your own to believe it. Life happens to all of us. We ALL have an intense amount of painful things happen to us throughout a life. No one is exempt from life’s sharper edges. What makes the difference in how you go through life is your commitment and investment in yourself. You are significant just because you are you. Believe in yourself, dare to reach the edges of your beliefs and rise above them. No one can get in your way but you. No matter your situation you can stand tall. You can face it. You can look anyone in the eyes because you know who you are. You can say no when you need to because you value the investment you make in yourself. The only person that can stand in your way, in reality, is you. Get up! Dig deep and keep moving. You will hurt. That’s ok. It’s not the end of the world. Just keep moving. There isn’t anyone out there who can stop your greatness. It doesn’t matter what people say about you. All that matters is what you think about yourself. Keep your power... do not give it away. Invest in you. Love yourself. YOU GOT THIS!

                                                                                            Sherrie Campbell

                                                                                                    

Saturday, April 12, 2014


  It hurts so bad that I don't get to see my kids. Dwayne, my ex-husband, kicked my daughter out a month after he kicked me out. He's not her biological father, so I know that hurt her. He than gave my sisters son back to his Nana. We were watching him for a year while my sister was having issues. My daughter said while she was there, after I left, he talked so much trash on me. He brainwashed them into believing I'm a bad mom. Who does that to their children? I made sure when my sons came to visit me that I never talked bad about their father in front of them. He's still their father and I wouldn't do that. It hurts but I know my kids will be able to figure this whole thing out as they get older and they'll resent him for doing this. 

 He was cheating on me because not even three months later he was with one of his Sgts. from the National Guard. He was rushing me to sign seperation papers and like my dad said, because he was in a hurry to get married. He did several months later. He moves fast like he did when he first met me. He threw a ring at me proposing to me after only two weeks of knowing each other. He accepted my daughter. He's a rescuer. He likes to rescue woman. So, this is what he did again. She has a three year old also that he wanted to rescue. It's strange that he wanted to renew our vowels and than the next month was telling me to leave. He chose to tell my sons lies about me and it's just hurtful because they stopped calling and coming to see me. You think he would tell them that they need their mother and should see me. I don't mean force them but he should encourage them because they will always need their mother. 

 He can say the worst things about me all he wants because their going to figure the truth out and see him for what he really is. It's destroyed me to leave them and my dog. I am slowly healing but after 2 years it just still kills me. It feels like they've been kidnapped. Here I was a mom and wife for seventeen years and now my kids have ripped away from me. I tried being nice to him for the kids sake but he was just interested in poisoning their minds against me and just erasing me out of their life. He just wants to look like he didn't destroy the family and did nothing wrong. I'm not perfect and I wasn't a perfect mom or wife but I did try. I even read self help books trying to keep our family together. He wanted a new family. He got violent with me the whole year before I left. He threw things at me and if I didn't duck, he would have hit me in my face. I knew it was time to go because the kids couldn't keep seeing this violence and hearing us argue. So, I lost myself and became so depressed. I started drinking again for a year almost every night. I'm done with that now though. I'm sober. I know my sons will see and understand more later. My daughter is moving to California so that's killing me also. I want her to enjoy her life but I just wish she wasn't moving so far away. She's my miracle baby and I love her so much. So, that's pretty much happened. I'm working on myself now and I know I'll get through this very hard time in my life. I feel like a nothing without my kids but I know I'll see them soon enough. 

Thursday, March 6, 2014

                                                 "Faith For Dark Days"

 When dark days come-and they come to us all-we feel so helpless and lost and small.
We cannot fathom the reason why, and it is futile for us try. To find the answer, the reason or cause,
For the master plan is without any flaws. And when the darkness shuts out the light, We must lean on Faith, to restore our sight. For there is nothing we need to know, if we have faith wherever we go God will be there to help us bear our disappointments, pain and care. For He is our Shepard, our Father, our guide, and your never alone with the Lord at your side. So may the great physician attend you, And may his healing completely mend you.

Monday, March 3, 2014

                                                "Fix Your Heart" 


  Your past can cause you to look at life in a bad way. A little girl that was abused learns to defend herself  by not trusting men. You'll have that defensive attitude accompany you into adulthood. If you've successfully protected yourself in certain ways in the past, it's natural to keep that pattern throughout life. 
  Many people live in co-dependent relationships. Others are anesthetized to their problems because they've had them so long.
Maybe you've become so accustomed to your problems that even when you have the chance to be delivered from it, you find it hard to let go. Problems can become like a security blanket. 

  Just like the infirm woman in Luke 13 was completely healed by Jesus' touch. She couldn't help herself no matter how hard she tried. He set her free and took away her excuse. Hearing him say, " Woman,thou art loosed from thine infirmity," required something of her that she hadn't had to deal with before. For eighteen years she had excused herself because she was handicapped. But at the moment He told her the problem was gone, she had no excuse.

  Before you get out of trouble, you need to straighten out your attitude. Until your attitude is corrected, you can't be corrected. One woman I pastured was rather obnoxious. When I prayed about the matter, God allowed me to meet her husband. Seeing his nasty attitude towards her, I understood why, when she reached down into her reservoir, all she had stored was hostility. That's all she had taken in, so that's all she could give.

  You want everyone to make allowance for your problem, but the truth is that your problem needs to make allowance for God. As the Bible says in 1 Chronicles 29:18, you've got to fix your thoughts, your attitude,
your whole heart on the living God. You can't expect the whole human race to move over because you had a bad childhood. They won't do it. And you'll just end up depressed frustrated, and confused.

  Jesus wants to separate you from the source of your bitterness until it no longer makes you a carrier of pain.
Your attitude is what affects your situation-not other peoples attitudes towards you. Let go your old attitudes, fix your heart on God, and let him make you whole.
                                                                                                     Pastor TD Jakes






Thursday, January 30, 2014

   I wanted to share this with everyone because I'm going through so much hell right now and I know it helps me to read these and get encouraged. I love to help and encourage other woman and I hope I can do this especially when I finally get my Memoir published. I want to tell my friends to never give up on your dreams and life. Things may be hard but keep pushing on because you have the strength within you whether you believe it or not. Your all always in my prayers, Lisa Palmer



If you are suffering allow it to come. A life lesson is certainly here for a visit. Don't run from it or you will miss a tremendous opportunity to grow. Suffering is a part of life, and your job is to brave the storm by staying true to yourself. When staying true to yourself means you have to make difficult and life changing decisions in your relationship world whether that be familial, friendship, marriage etc. you have to trust that if you are living in your truth that the decision you make will be intelligent and in the highest good for all involved. No matter how hard people may try, never let them knock you down. You are built with a power within you that nothing can touch. We do not need to have our fears out in front. We need to realize that what is inside will never let us crumble. We will certainly stumble in the face of life changing decisions and may fly for a while with bad aim and broken wings, but we can get back up and be stronger than we were before. When we suffer and we persevere, make hard and confusing decisions, follow through, stay tough-minded and stop caring about the judgements of others, in time we will be rewarded in ways beyond what we could ever imagine. Whatever storm we are in, it will eventually run out of rain. When we are true and genuine in our pursuits all of our pain will be seen and made up to us in every way possible. New life and new love are waiting to find you. That way, when things begin to make sense after we have remained tall in learning our lesson we will be grateful it all happened. Stay true to you and power-on with endurance and action. Love yourself. 


                                                                Sherrie Campbell

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