Worthless or Worthy: How Do You See Yourself?

by Joyce Meyer

Do you like yourself? After years of trying to help people emotionally, mentally, spiritually and socially, it was a major breakthrough when I discovered that most people really don't like themselves. Some of them know it, while others don't even have a clue that this is probably the root of so many other problems in their lives. 

God wants us to have great relationships, but self-rejection and even self-hatred are the roots of many relationship problems. In fact, I've found the Bible to be a book about relationships, providing valuable advice about my relationship with God, other people and even myself. 

How are the relationships with other people in your life? What about your relationship with God…and even with yourself? 

Did it ever occur to you that you have a relationship with yourself? While I've never given it much thought, I spend more time with myself than with anyone, and it's vital to get along well with me. Remember, you are the one person you never get away from. 

We all know how agonizing it is to work day after day with someone we don't get along with, but at least that person doesn't come home with us at night. We can't get away from ourselves, not even for one second, so it's of the utmost importance that we have peace with ourselves. 

Many of us fall prey to self-rejection because we feel that nobody really loves us or accepts us. We figure that if nobody else loves us, then why should we love ourselves? Because we think others don't love us, we feel that we must not be worth loving. But that's a LIE we've believed for way too long! 

We should love ourselves—not in a selfish, self-centered way that produces a lifestyle of self-indulgence, but in a balanced, godly way that affirms God's creation as essentially good and right. We may be flawed by unfortunate experiences we've gone through, but that doesn't mean we're worthless and good-for-nothing. 

We must have the kind of love for ourselves that says, "I know God loves me, so I can love what God chooses to love. I don't love everything I do, but I accept myself because God accepts me." We must develop the kind of mature love that says, "I know I need to change, and I want to change. In fact, I believe God is changing me daily, but during this process, I will not reject what God accepts. I'll accept myself as I am right now, knowing that I will not always remain this way." 

Many times people who reject themselves do so because they can't see themselves as good, proper, or right. They fail to see themselves the way God sees them—as precious children He dearly loves. 

As you begin to see yourself through God's eyes—someone who's loved and cherished—your view of yourself will begin to change. You'll begin to see yourself not as rejected, but as loved and accepted…unique and beautiful in His sight. 

Your Feelings are Important

From a very early age most of us have been told over and over again that what we feel isn't important.  As a result, we've learned to suppress, deny and mask our feelings.  We get so good at this that we actually lose t

ouch with our heart and live in the world of our head and thoughts.  When asked how we feel, we respond from our head, not our heart.

This website is dedicated to the idea that the feelings of your heart are important.  First of all, feelings are important because they are connected to your needs.  When you deny your feelings, you are denying your needs as a human being.  And, when we belittle the feelings of others we are telling them that their needs aren’t important.

Secondly, our feelings, more than our thoughts, drive our choices in life.  Our primary goal is to feel good.  We get into relationships because we want to feel good, which is why our heart, not our head, controls with whom we chose to associate.  We buy things because we perceive that they will give us good feelings, too.  Every successful marketer knows that marketing is primarily about feelings.  We even pursue goals because we perceive that achieving them will make us feel good.  If we are out of touch with our feelings, we are easily manipulated emotionally and wound up making foolish choices because we don’t understand what is motivating us in our heart.

Thirdly, as the author Karol Truman stated in the title of her book, Feelings Buried Alive Never Die.  What we allow ourselves to feel and deal with we can get over and heal from, but what we deny haunts us forever.  Most of us spend a great deal of time running away from our feelings.

Finally, it is the heart, not the head that helps us to lead a moral and a spiritual life.  When we have a hardened heart, we lack compassion and empathy for others. When our heart is closed and we are living in our heads, we are more likely to cause harm to others because our head can rationalize just about anything. An open heart teaches us to love, forgive, be kind and compassionate.  An open heart also allows us to access the spiritual plane and hear the still, small voice of God that can guide and comfort us.

This website is dedicated to helping people understand their feelings and learn how to heal their emotional wounds.  Discover why the heart, not the head, is the ultimate key to your health, happiness and success.

"How do I interact with guys just as a friend?"

Erin Davis 02/18/11
Category: Guys ; 93 comments

At the beginning of this month, I asked you to tell me your most burning questions when it comes to guys and romance. One question that popped up often was, "How do I interact with guys just as a friend/Christian sister?" We also saw a lot of a similar question: "Is it okay to become friends with a guy to see if they'd make a good husband?"

I am so glad you're asking these questions! I want you to understand the difference between standing firm in your commitment to purity (a very, very good thing) and being standoffish toward the guys in your life (not such a good thing). Sometimes girls' ministry leaders (myself included) make the mistake of encouraging firm boundaries so often that we forget to encourage Christ-like interactions with the guys in your life.

Yes, you can have friends who are guys and yes, friendship is a great way to discover if a guy would make a great husband. Nowhere in Scripture does God call men and women to be so completely separated that that there is no room for interaction. Also, when we encourage you to wait on God's timing for romance, we aren't saying that you should lock yourself away from all guys until the perfect man drops into your house with a ring.

Marriage isn't the only relationship where it is appropriate for guys and girls to interact. Think about your dad. How do you spend time with him? You talk. You hang out. You eat together. You do things you both enjoy. I am sure there are other guys in your life that you have healthy interactions with as well. Just because you are a girl spending time with a guy doesn't mean romantic music will start playing in the background and butterflies will start swarming in your stomach.

In fact, Scripture tells us that we are to interact with each other in a loving and warm way regardless of gender. Here's just a taste of what the Bible says about how we are to treat each other.

• "Love one another" (John 13:34), and 12 other references.

• "Be devoted to one another in love" (Rom. 12:10).

• "Honor one another above yourselves" (Rom. 12:10).

• "Live in harmony with one another" (Rom. 12:16).

• "Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you" (Rom. 15:7).

• "Have equal concern for each other" (1 Cor. 12:25).

• "Serve one another humbly in love" (Gal. 5:13).

• "Carry each other's burdens" (Gal. 6:2).

• "Be patient, bearing with one another in love" (Eph. 4:2).

• "Be kind and compassionate to one another" (Eph. 4:32).

• "Forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you" (Eph. 4:32).

• "Speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit" (Eph. 5:19).

• "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ" (Eph. 5:21).

• "In humility value others above yourselves" (Phil. 2:3).

• "Bear with each other" (Col. 3:13).


• "Make your love increase and overflow for each other" (1 Thess. 3:12).

• "Encourage one another" (1 Thess. 4:18, 5:11).

• "Build each other up" (1 Thess. 5:11).

• "Encourage one another daily" (Heb. 3:13)
• "Spur one another on to love and good deeds" (Heb. 10:24).
• "Encouraging one another (Heb. 10:25).

• "Love one another deeply, from the heart" (1 Pet. 1:22)
• "Be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another" (1 Pet. 3:8).

• "Love each other deeply" (1 Pet. 4:8).

• "Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling" (1 Pet. 4:9).

• "Each one should use whatever gift you have received to serve others" (1 Pet. 4:10).

• "Clothe yourselves with humility toward one another" (1 Pet. 5:5).

The Bible clearly teaches us to be warm, kind, and loving toward our Christian brothers, not cold or standoffish. You can be friends with the guys. In fact, youshould be friends with guys. God has called you to be kind, encouraging, patient, and concerned with all of the people around you regardless of their gender. Putting these skills into practice in your relationships now can only help prepare you for marriage in the future.

Bottom line girls: treating others well is always okay. Guys aren't the enemy. They were created in the image of God just like you were. What's more, Christian guys are adopted into the same family you are. They are your spiritual brothers and treating them well isn't just okay, it's commanded.

For more on healthy boundaries in guy/girl friendships, check out a post from our archives here.

Keep the great questions coming. I look forward to answering them armed with the truth of God's Word.

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Comments

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